Welcome, 2022

Another year has come and gone. I’ve found myself sharing that I’ve also survived another year of COVID-19 in my bullet journal. Another year of our world changing; my world changing.

Today is January 2nd but best believe I was on time for this new year! I had made a vision board, my bullet journal + a few months planned ahead, and some smaller lists for my new year.

I wanted to take a moment to share some of the things I hope to accomplish this year along with the things I want to document.

This year I will be crocheting a “granny square a day” so at the end of the year I will have this large (if not two) blankets! I will also be making all of my gifts to friends and family for special occasions and holidays. I never took gifts seriously because I thought I had to purchase lavish items but it wasn’t until Christmas rolled around someone reminded me that I could have made “bookmarks” and I thought to myself “wow, just a simple gesture of a photo and words could take this gift a long way”.

To piggy back off the granny square a day, I want to draw or paint more weekly, if not daily. As my graduation date creeps closer and closer I am anxious that I don’t have anything to show for it. I want to manifest my inner artist and practice the principles I’ve been taught in school. AKA drawing/photography/painting. All of these are the building blocks to graphic design and if I want to be the designer I dream about I have to work on it.

My overall lifestyle has been about clean eating, and reusing/recycling materials and items. I look forward to growing my first garden this year in the spring, and finding ways to reuse all of the glass jars I have piled up. Along with my Clea eating I’ve been serious about my weight and as you know I’ve lost over 50lbs since I started my weightless journey 2 years ago. Slow and steady wins the race and I’ve been lifting my weight and doing my part. I’ve also been seeing improvements of my flexibility from my yoga practices (proud moments).

And finally- to graduate this year in the summer! I’ve struggled and learned so much since I started school back in 2019, literally 3 years ago December.

What are your goals for the new year? Not your resolutions, your goals!

My Vision board for 2022

A Dollar General find for $12 – a 1.09 gallon water bottle!

January 2022 spread / Bullet Journal

My “Yearly Goals” for 2022 spread / Bullet Journal

It’s not motivation, it’s consistency.

You’ve probably seen this one before. Somewhere in the fitness culture on Instagram or TikTok, where it’s some shredded individual who got a massive pump from their workout or someone cooking a healthy meal showing off their flexed abs. (At least I see it all the time)

I’m a bit of both I think but to be frank, at the end of the day it’s consistency. I know I’ll feel bad about myself if I don’t work out (that’s not to say I beat myself up if I can’t take the time to work out, being a full-time student and working) and I’ll start to shame myself so that’s when the “habit” kicks in. Even if it’s just one thing like jump rope or squats I do it.

Thanks to the help of my apple watch (thanks mom for the Xmas gift 2 years ago) I can see my patterns and if I was good- meaning I wrote in my bullet journal- I’ll know why I wasn’t able to make the minimum 30mins I ask of myself daily. Are you getting my drift? Anyways, to the motivational part. When I browse Instagram I’m overstimulated by workouts and the entire time I’m watching these videos or pictures I’m reminding myself that “I too want to be that strong”. That is my motivation. I want to lift things that shouldn’t leave me winded, I should be able to sprint for 15seconds and not break a sweat (this might sound dumb). I want to be shredded and love the body that was given to me. For someone that was almost 300lbs I think I’ve accomplished a lot in my journey.

_{To those that can’t read this: red means calories burned, green is exercise, and blue is a standing goal.}

And it all started like everyone else, where you wake up day after day hating the body you’re in. So I said to myself “enough” and set a goal of ‘wanting to learn the splits’. Here I am flexible as I’ve ever been, wanting to be a weight lifter specifically deadlifts, and train in boxing.

Let me put it to you this way; once I unlocked the flexibility in my hamstrings and glutes all the back pain I felt for over 9 years finally stopped. And I just knew my life was getting better.

Did you know?
Exercise helps reduce the risk of you getting sick often!

What is something you do to get your exercise in for the day?

If you’re wanting to start off somewhere pick 3-5 workouts you can easily do a day and if that’s too much aim for at least 3 times a week. Here are some of my recommendations:

• Jumping Jacks: set an amount that you can do x3 anywhere from 8-15reps. (8-15reps 3 times)
• Squats: It will be difficult at first and you’ll feel the burn in the quads(thighs) heavily so aim for low reps.
• Wall push-ups: Just stand against a wall and do push-ups, follow the same guide as above.
• Incorporate cardio: Like jump rope, jogging, or walking. Work in intervals! if you walk then incorporate some sprinting (for one minute) and then rest (walk) another 2-3 and start over. Aim for about 10min if you can but do what works best for you. The point is to just get something started for the first few weeks to start this habit!

Once you get started don’t stop!

Did I fake it until I made it?

This is something I’ve been reflecting on for the last 6 months now and it leaves me with mixed emotions.

6 months ago I had to take the reins and be the sole provider of my household which is a stressful situation that many people in the world go through. I had many self-realizations and epiphanies during the last 6 months but I still can’t get this grasp on life.

In the beginning, it was all routine. I knew what had to be done and I knew the bills had to get paid. I set up my habit tracker, and my bullet journal, and I was in and out. I accepted everything as it came and I felt at peace. I felt like I was on the right path; I put myself on my own pedestal and I didn’t care about anything else. The queen of my own world -it was honestly such a high but I don’t know where I went wrong.

I think it was about 2 months ago when I started to get annoyed with my job. I realized that I was working for a public that wasn’t educated and always wanted to argue with you. I realized that I was dumbing things down and stooping to their level because there was no other way for me to articulate print standards. I was once again applying 30% effort in everything I did, my studies, my artwork, my portfolio… my job. And now here I am in this spiral of self-hatred and constant internal dialog (and arguments).

I still have most of my good habits, like showering, brushing my teeth every day, and brushing my hair, (even treating my hair now for the last month) I do my yoga/stretch and I work out at least once a week if I can help it. (I want to work out at least 3 times a week but that can’t be helped) and I clean eat still.

So what do I mean then? Was I in some subconscious reality? Was I hyping myself up for those months only to tear myself down over my own disappointment? How I realize that I could never afford to do anything fun because everything I made went to my bills? I never rewarded myself. I didn’t treat myself on those days I knew I needed more than my standard self-care and I only felt guiltier and guiltier as time went on.

I wish I could say I’m perfect and that I know the timestamps of everything that goes on in my life but I don’t. I tell myself I should record more things but I talk myself out of it. My world doesn’t change much but the outside world does and I’m starting to see myself through a new lens.

I still haven’t made it but I think I stopped faking it.

Thank you, Abstract.

To the people that put together the show ‘Abstract’ on Netflix, thank you. And if you are an artist, designer, or creator in any way I recommend watching this show. If I’m not mistaken you can also watch it on Youtube here. It covers some of the top designs in the field of graphic design, interior design, architecture, photography, and show design.

Which leads me to the topic here. I was so inspired by Tinker Hatfields story that I, for the first time, actually wrote down quotes from a show. I was so inspired, so moved, so touched, that I couldn’t think straight. I was enlightened that I felt like I was flying. As a novice graphic designer- a student about to graduate in the summer of 2022, I’m terrified yet excited for whats to come.

Here is an exercise I did today in Tinker’s honor and my favorite quote he gave us in the episode.

“I think if you just stay in your studio and try and dream up new ideas,
there’s not a good foundation for your idea.
Just get out there and experience life. That just gives you the library in your head to then translate that into unique new design work. “
– Tinker Hatfield

I didn’t need to put the whole quote so I think the first bit was enough. Here is my edit in his honor.

Tinker Hatfield

It’s designed as a 16×20 size if you are interested in printing out the poster. I used a youtube tutorial for this exercise which you can find here.

Just need a little faith

My mind has been racing with so many thoughts and I wish I had the time to write it all down. Maybe I should… it’s actually recommended for us to always carry a pen and paper.. to write down your ideas.

Last night I was thinking about all of the different notes, stories, and ideas I have typed out on several different note taking apps. How I released those ideas into a corner and left them- forgotten. The books I’ve wanted to write, diary entries, drawing ideas, quotes, the list goes on. All forgotten about. I still have the apps installed on my device- I just don’t use them.

What should I do? Clean house? Organize my writing? Should I even open those boxes? Im not that same person anymore. I was inspired with the headspace of depression and now? Now I’m free. I still experience some mental health problems but it’s no longer a leading factor in my life and I don’t think I want to turn back this book. At all. But what if I find new sources of inspiration? It’s questionable.

Let’s get fit: a second beginning

Remember my “after hours series” where I would vent and express my emotional distraught almost every night? (I think it was more like, once a week but you get the idea here) Well, I’m going to start anew and do this series instead called “let’s get fit” and I’m so excited to do this.

So here it is, my second beginning. My true beginning was in January 2020 when I decided to take up yoga twice a day and eat a healthy diet. Transforming into resistance training I bought a gym membership of February 2021 and I’ve been going almost every day since. I average 4-5 times a week working out for almost 2 hours every time (if I can manage the time) So what do I mean by “second beginning”? I’m documenting everything now. My journey starts for real as I go full candid into everything I do now and I’m so excited because my husband is going to help me through it all.

I mentioned before how I was finding so many reasons to “not” document my weight loss/fitness journey and I see now that was so selfish of me. I’ve talked about how influencers didn’t do anything justice when it came to being candid- especially about fitness. I haven’t found many people yet that sport their daily lives WHILE losing weight… it’s always been people that are already at their goal and or fitness/personal trainers. Kind of over it at this point. And I think I can do it better.

Today I recorded footage of what I do at night after the gym and my husband and I bonded well over it. I think it’s also inspired him to be more open and use his own personality to his advantage. (I’m so proud of him and I can’t wait for his own transformation)

If you recalled a previous post called “Monday Weight in” this was a half assed attempt to “start” creating content so today I have some legit photos and another TikTok video for you guys!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Faith (@breathintome)

After todays workout I felt a lot of relief. I went in depressed, unmotivated, and not wanting to do anything- ultimately just wanting to wallow in all of the negativity that’s been going on in my life. But I knew better. I knew that if I did that it would open up bad habits and I would let them. Being in a bad headspace is the worst but I hope this helps someone. If you learn anything from me it’s that you are responsible for you. Everything you do is a reflection of YOU. And I knew better- I knew I couldn’t have a day like this because I’ve had many days where I didn’t want to do anything… what was alarming was how I didn’t want to workout. Here is the tiktok video I recorded before heading into the gym. It was dark, humid, and drizzling outside of my car. The “Planet Fitness” sign a pecan, calling me inside.

I didn’t have any intention of doing anything… like I didn’t have any drive to take photos let some record a video but I had this fire in me after shredding at the gym. I just knew. I knew I had to keep being accountable for my ideas and goals and I didn’t even realize that.

Oh man- I did not mean for this to happen. A duet?? With myself??? I feel so awkward. I hope to have quality content but we all start somewhere. I wanted to make fun of myself in my duet- because it’s true! Who the hell is that person?? I KNOW better! I KNOW the gym will lift me up. I know that sweating will remind me that I’m alive. I know that every two will give me strength to overcome my obstacles. It was all mental and I hate that I was that girl again. A pathetic girl.

So here it is. My official coming out party for my weight loss journey. I can’t wait to see how far I’ve come with everything I do.

Monday weigh in – my fitness journey

Yesterday I struggled to post a legit tiktok video about my current body size and weight. I’ve never used tiktok before… aside from just recording rain but that didn’t require any work. I haven’t tracked my fitness journey in any way shape or form so this was a huge deal for me… as the photos I’ve taken were only for me to see. How I use to look 18 months ago to now… is just an amazement and I’m so thankful that I pushed myself to do this.

@shuhbooty

Monday July 26, 2021: ive been going to the gym 3-4 times a week since February 2021 and I’ve never recorded my journey so here’s a start

♬ original sound – shuhbooty

I won’t lie it was extremely difficult to look back at older photos from a year ago. I hated myself. I hated how I looked, and I absolutely hated how all of my emotions came running back to me like the day was just yesterday. The negativity was instilled in these photos and where I was in life and it really hurts. Honestly, to the point it could possible ruin my day but thankfully I’m stronger then that and I’ll keep moving forward.

I know these photos aren’t much at least I feel like it isn’t but to me- yes. I’ve lost inches, I’ve lost the pounds, I don’t bloat as big anymore and I’m overall slimming down. I’ve gained muscle, mobility, and so much happiness. I don’t want to go on this long post just yet but I hope this helps someone to make the choice as to why you want to lose weight. If you can find a positive mindset and a real reason to your fitness journey you’ll get there. I told myself I wanted to be strong.. I wanted to be flexible and I didn’t want to be winded with every other step and this is where it’s gotten me. I learn new things everyday, I challenge myself and I want to be active.

There is no going back now.

How I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.

What I really mean is how I should have started my fitness journey years ago. I’ve found my second favorite passion in this world next to graphic design- fitness.

I really want to take the time to build up some content and materials for my friends, followers, and readers. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now but today a friend from my streaming times (year 2019-2020) contacted me on Instagram saying how I show fitness related content but not my own? I’m not sure what it was but that was the kick I needed to actually put it all together.

If anyone has read my blog, material, content, or followed me this long knows I have commitment issues and I like to redirect my time and resources into the items or things I’m interested “in that moment”. I live freely and change my mind spontaniously- way to often. And I always come back. I always come back either too late or just in time to my hobbies.. and sometimes that makes me sad. I love making videos and content and having an online presence but it’s not for my old reasons. It’s not about feeling alone and wanting to feel better- now as I’ve grown not only with age, mentally- but with maturity also. I can say happily I do it for the content and because it’s fun.

So back to my newly found lifestyle, fitness. All of 2020 I told myself I wanted to lose weight as I was at my heaviest weight of 280. Thanks to body dysmorphia I thought I looked like I was 170, thin and pretty and in a nice cozy blanket if denial. So I told myself I had to make a change and it was doing yoga which watching what I ate. I did yoga twice a day for about 8 months until I slowed down around the end of 2020. In February of 2021 I bought a gym membership at Planet Fitness and I haven’t looked back since. I’m at 219lb now and I’m happy with my progress (minus a month off because of medical issues and a car accident ((((: )

When it comes to food I flucuate everyday but I try to maintain my overall goal which is to have no fast food, no soda, and no extra sugar. Every now and then I will cheat but its not an everyday thing as fast food makes me sick. I eat my veggies and chicken and honestly call it a day. I will be posting more about my food/fitness journey moving forward but I wanted to touch base on how much this means to me now and how I want everyong to know the importance of fitness and feeling fucking fantasic.

Bonus though, it’s hard to have the motivation to workout everyday and I personally don’t do it/anymore as it’s not healthy in the beginning (your body needs time to recover ya know) and I like to go hard at the gym sometimes (3 hours sometimes without an actual break) and I’m out of commission for about 3-4 days from soreness. But!!!!! Please don’t give up, if you can start at one or two times a week and grow some there you have a FOUNDATION and you’ll grow to love sweating as you release that stored up fat, release your tensions, release your emotions, and be GROUNDED in your fitness routines.

If you’ve read this far here is some more information about what I’ve been up too:
– I’m a senior student @ Full Sail University Graphic Design Program
– I’m learning about cars and how they function; I want a 1986 toyota AE86 as my first build-a-car.
– I drink coffee almost everyday now and it doesn’t make me jittery (I like it with protein shakes)
– I still read, write, bullet journal (when I remember), draw, and do photogrtaphy.

I’ve ghosted my social media for a long while now because I enjoyed the freedom of not being tied down by views and likes however, I’ve changed my outlook as I’ve mentioned earlier in my post and I hope to be more active in my digital hobbies.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo

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Check out my social medias here!

– www.instagram.com/breathintome <—- personal
– www.instagram.com/shuhbootydesigns <—- my design page
– www.facebook.com/shuhbooty
– www.etsy.com/shop/craftingmindfully <—- online store

Also check out my first t-shirt campaign on bonfire!
https://www.bonfire.com/yoga-strong-t-shirt/

Let’s be adventurous and stick to it

I’ve been waiting for some major, magical event to happen as an excuse to start blogging again. I’ve thought of so many things to write about as my “come back!” Post; but I never sat down to write it. Or even worse, I’ll sit around wanting to just word vomit and I forget i could have wrote it out.

I’ve always been weird about writing though. Sometimes I want to but I don’t push myself too, and then other times I write but don’t feel good about it. I’ve found myself lost in my head and emotions and that’s why writing is difficult for me to commit too. If you know me, however, I already have commitment issues.

So welcome back me! Now I’ve jumped the gun and I’m crawling my way back into blogging. I have been extremely happy (minus the usual highs and lows) and I just want to express all of that. I want to talk about the things that embarrass me while sharing that I am only human.

I have so much I want to talk about so I hope you all will join me as I express it all to you. In the mean time, here are some recent selfies from the last few weeks!

November 23, 2020

Cheesecake I made November 22, 2020

A haircut I got from a cosmetology student at the local beauty school. I was told my hair didn’t look straight so I tried taking a photo to “see”. She actually didn’t cut the desired length off so I still have dead ends. November 13, 2020

Let’s do that blog thing

Do you know what people say when you first start a blog? Read other blogs. Find out what others are doing, find out how they do things and learn from them.

Ive actually only ever read about 12 other people’s blog if that. I remember going on Stephanie Meyers website, when I was about 13-14 just so I could read her blog updates about her writing. It was such a big deal for me, to log on everyday to see if anything new posted. After that I found myself on Pinterest, where an obscene amount of bloggers post their content on. It lead me to so many resources and how to’s- I mean if you’ve never been on Pinterest, you’re missing out.

However, I still don’t actively visit other sites/blogs. There are some on this wonderful site that I venture too every now and then. Especially if I have email updates but that’s it.

How influential is that? Like, let me ask you. Why do you read my stuff? What’s the point of blogging? What’s the structure of blogging? What do I give that benefits others? These are things that hold me back from my own blogging. I never feel like I’m good enough- and that someone, out there, is way more influential than me. Or more resourceful. Or just- better. These thoughts are just irrational, yes, but also deliberating.

I found out that I like to blog, to write, and I like to write, to get things off my chest. So why not do it in a public setting so others can see, relate, and know they are not alone in their thoughts. That’s helpful, right? To feel like you’re not alone?

My mind tried to shovel this random- loneliness into this random sink hole that I never knew existed in my brain daily. It’s exhausting, and I constantly need validation which is also exhausting. Which is how my blogging started and came to be. I’m very bad with commitment, especially if I’m depressed. And I found that’s the case in my blogging to. I’ve always wanted to take it seriously- I did in the beginning. But once I found other ways to vent, and heal, it was like I didn’t need it anymore.

So what about everyone else? What about the people that do read my stuff? And actually want to see more of it? Well, I’m not sure. But I’m trying. I’m trying to keep going, I’m trying to commit and I’m working on being happy.

So what do you think? What did you like about my blog? If you had one question to ask me, what would it be? Let me know in the comments below, or message me!

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Header photo, curtesy of pixabay.