NAMI WALKS; donations, 5k??? Awareness!

I’m so excited to write about this, because I don’t see a lot of reference to this organization (one article on The Mighty). And they deserve more notice!! This organization helps many adults that deal with mental illnesses. I felt so passionate to just share their good deeds. ❤

Learn more from their website here!

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I took a day to just look around not only my area but organizations in general that took in volunteers for mental health. I stumbled on NAMI (nami.org) and mentalhealthamerica(.com). Right now I’m set up for the walk in Arizona which will be head in Phoenix sometime in October. I’ve decided to join the (only) team in this area and hope to get others on board with it! This is very sad to say, but I really hope to connect and find friends from this. Although, I am happy enough just to SHARE this info! Find out if your state is hosting a walk via NAMIwalks! I plan to be more involved with this website and learn more from everyone here.

Mentalhealthamerica is something else though. They have a small volunteer outlet and it’s really exciting! I was sent via email the application and it was very intimidating. I’ve never seen something so well put together, professional, and requesting so much information. Sadly, I’m no one special. Just someone that wants to spread more awareness of these organizations. So good luck to me, right??

Back to my donation for the awareness walk, my goal is to reach $120.00 by October! I’ve NEVER done this! I’ve never done a walk OR asked for donations before. So this is all new and exciting to me! Any pointers would be great! Have you ever been in an awareness walk? Or done some sort of volunteer work you really enjoyed? Maybe worked with a project that required donations?

You can find my DONATION link here!

Thank you for reading!

Depression: Turns out I can’t do it.

Once again, this week was my first week back to work. And in the beginning it was going well. I felt good the first day- I was able to ease in without having to deal with people. Just follow a to-do list and have it done before I leave. Boom, had it done. Day two is fuzzy to me now. I was frustrated that I was getting a lot of returns on jobs and how they were done wrong. So I spoke about it to my boss. Which is what inspired my last post ( Work place gossip; stand up for yourself. ) and as you can see I felt.. iffy. And then Wednesday came along and I left it. I was exhausted and didn’t want to go in, but I did it anyways. I went in and tried to keep it as healthy as I could. Not positive, because that would have been TOO much to handle, so I just worked on being as “good” as I could be. And it didn’t work out.

I didn’t take the time to take my breaks for my meditation, I didn’t take time to even tend to myself. And I see that now. However at that time I didn’t. I’m trying not to judge myself and tear myself down.. but it’s so hard. It’s so difficult not too. So I did what I knew best, I called out. I didn’t show up to work on Thursday OR today. (Friday) And.. sadly enough I felt great not going. I felt great not going. I visited the happy house in Wednesday too, and we talked about some stuff that I can kinda see now. However that’s for this weeks happy house post. So yesterday- I went crazy. I was so FULL of great energy so I researched and updated my about me page ( About In the life of Faith ) I worked on my next YouTube video I did some edits, I mean I DID things! Things I wanted to do. I love love love love LOVE that feeling. THIS feeling! Feeling of freedom.. feeling of being open to do what I want.. but saying that makes me feel selfish. I’m clearly in lala land, but I don’t want to leave. This is my happy place- this is my bubble. Please don’t make me leave.

I don’t have regrets and I want to move forward. But I can’t see how. How can I still be me and make a living without killing myself.

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p.s i love this type of scenery. and the rain. love love love trees and stormy weather.

Work place gossip; stand up for yourself.

Have you ever been in a situation at work where you just sat there and took the verbal abuse because you were afraid you would lose your job? Or where you didn’t say all of your opinion, so you were left only “half heard” and it frustrated you? Yeah, me too.

When I finally got my first job- I was ecstatic. I bet just like you were. It was all new and you wanted to do things correctly so you didn’t find yourself in a situation you didn’t know how to handle. You know the one I’m talking about. The one where you did something you didn’t think would be a “big deal” and you soon find yourself in the managers office wondering what you did wrong. The situation you find yourself in where you did everything right, but someone had disagreed with you on. Yeah, me too. I was always left wondering “what was the point of this talk?” I never felt like I learned or benefited from the “talk”. I was talked down too instead. Leaving like a failure and that they would get an eye on me to get me fired. Felt as though, they had nothing better to do with their time and wanted to just pick on me. I was always left devastated after these talks.

“You could of handled this situation differently.”
“You did everything well! Just, next time do it this way. Ok?”

The small stuff, you know? I was so sensitive and I let their words sink in to my bones. I felt as though what they were telling me totally negated my character and work ethics. I never saw myself as doing it wrong. I just went above and beyond what they wanted. They take in the bad vs the good. And that’s exactly how the world is- when it shouldn’t be. And I say all of this because I recently began to stand up for myself. Over the last two years- I finally told myself to just “do it”. Who actually cared about me standing up for myself?? Everyone stopped looking for that opening to take me out. And it felt great. However I did drop the reins a few times; like this year. I never talked about how I initially searched for help. What actually started it all. Shocker! It was work. I don’t know anyone else, personally that had a meltdown at work and a total freak out. So many things were piling up and I held my expectations very high. I thought I was failing everyone assumed everyone hated me for it. I spoke out with a whisper when issues “spontaneous” sprouted. I let the work force and the public bully me. So I left. (This will be continued later on in the future.)

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So today an opportunity had shined bright in my face. Just urging me to finally let it out. I was so calm and proud of myself as I spoke my mind. Standing there with two people, and confidence by my side I just let it sing out of me. I wasn’t going to be bullied anymore, and things will go my way. I know what you’re thinking.

“Faith, why do you care so much. It’s just a job!! Not a career!”

And you’re right. I just can’t help it. Or I should say- I couldn’t help it before. I’m a bubbly, happy and smiling person. I’m optimistic and truly believe that there are good people on this planet. I’m a extrovert with a loud voice. I’m a happy-go-getter. And I love that about myself- and it makes customer service very simple for me because of it. I’m organically “nice”. Genuinely. So when I get that one bad comment, I let it eat me up. It’ll nibble here and there until it wants to really feed. A snack turns into a meal. It physically hurts. That’s just the anxiety worming it’s way in though. And I can see that now. So I’m working on making sure I never feel that way again.

I found out the only way to help myself at work is to tell everyone how I want things done. Follow the rules and regulations and guidelines. Just be a decent human being that can follow rules and be nice. However I know that won’t happen. Which helped me realize I need a different job. Where people honestly care. I’m still seeking that job though.

Furthermore, don’t let anyone bully you. Stand up for yourself, let them know how you really feel. I believe that any job can be enjoyable if you really want it to be. Dreading going to work after having a talk is a painful experience I never want anyone to feel. If you’re like me, previous I had issues where my anxiety was so bad I would quit my jobs and find something else. I couldn’t face the music and get over it. Or I thought people would just look at me differently. It’s stupid writing this out now, and I see it. But I feel good at the same time; getting this off my chest.

Side note; I’ve been having trouble sleeping so i’m back on my sleeping medication.

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Why I want to do- what I want to do. (Video included!!)

Hello everyone! I’ve finally made my first YouTube video!! (in terms of a video blog!!)  I hope to take this as far as I can and get everything out there. This is something I’ve always wanted to do- and I thought gaming would be my choice. However I never found the “passion” for it. I’m all for having a good time with video games- but I never had the time or equipment to really record myself playing video games.

This speaks more to me. This is something… I’ve been waiting for. And it’s here!

 

I can’t wait to share all sorts of things with y’all!! It’s going to be fun, and less ranting in my blog posts. 🙂

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Follow me on Twitter to get updates on new postings!!

Also, check out this cute stationary shop here!! If you find something you like- use coupon code “SnStudy” for 10% off!! They offer FREE international shipping!!

 

Suicide is not a synonym for “weak minded”.

When the news had blown up about Chester Bennington I was unaware of his passing. Well, I remember seeing a status on Facebook before everyone started sharing all sorts of new articles. It was just a few hours from my happy house visit. And I was just stunned. My body had flushed out all of my being when I read the news. This post isn’t about the influence the singer had on my life. So please read with caution, may contain triggers

Since then all I’ve seen was articles on how weak of a person he was. He took the easy way out. He left a family behind, and that made him selfish. Selfish. I don’t understand how people think like this. And they say this passionately. With so much fury when they discuss it. Like, what drives that kind of negative thoughts? What makes people be so furiously bold on this type of topic?

I was in the kitchen, fixing to take the trash out and it just hit me. I had said “I can’t believe he’s gone.” It was aimed at my sister doing the dishes. And our parents raised their heads interested. They had asked who. “The lead singer of linking park had died. ” And my sister had said “By suicide.” And they lost it. Going back and forth about how such a weak person he was. I’ve never so quick in my life said I was done talking. I was hurt. I was kicked right in the stomach. I felt like I was bleeding out of my chest. It was the worse rage I’ve ever felt. I was burning. Fuming up to my ears. I’ve never wanted someone to understand something so hard before in my life like I did in that moment. So I had asked “what if it was me?” And I was looked dead in the eye and was called weak. I was also told I wouldn’t have a funeral and if there was one they wouldn’t go. My face was like a stove top on high. Slowly but surely working it’s way up to a certain tempurture. My jaw was clentchimg and my body shook. And then suddenly whatever hostility was in the room- left. It just walked right out the front door without saying goodbye. They had instantaneously moved on from the subject. And that hurt worse. I was left with my emotions, and thoughts. 

In some way shape or form I think we’ve all thought about dying. And some way shape or form we’ve thought about killing ourselves. But thinking about it while depressed that’s a whole nother story. And I truly mean that. I’ve had those moments staring at my fathers gun case. I’ve had those moments where I thought about loading that gun and putting it to my head. Or in my mouth. I thought about all the misery that would follow if I ever went through with it. Everyone’s story is different. And my story might be different or the same as yours. 

It starts as soon as you wake up. The eye lids still closed. It starts with the head first, instantly full of air. No thoughts or emotions. It follows down all through out the body. You feel light, and airy. You force yourself out of bed, trying to take the initial step to start the day. And suddenly you’re a bag of rocks. Sitting on the edge of the bed you find no real positive reason to do anything. You get this indescribable feeling so you work out your self care tips. Hoping one will give you energy. But you don’t do them. You just stare at the list, motionless. Telling yourself its not worth it. “Why bother”. You’re half sleep now still trying to talk yourself into doing whatever tasks you had planned. And suddenly its 5:00pm and you have no idea where the day went. You’re winded. Utterly breathless as you attempt to do everything. However you end up stuck. Paralyzed. The body gets dense, and you sink further into the coach or bed. Still pondering how it all happened. Fighting with yourself, still trying to understand why any of it was worth it. It’s frustration without energy. You’re left empty. Dazed and confused. Drifting in a limbo you can’t escape. It’s always on repeat, just- you’re in a different level each day. Or the same. It depends. Crippling doesn’t even begin to describe it. I’ve made too many posts about my depressive episodes. However all my episodes have been the same physically. Mentally its all been different. Different reasons, or what I think are reasons. Its a thick exhaustion with gladeators fighting to the death in my head. My previous posts speak for themselves though. 

Right now everyone is nitpicking Chester’s work and his actions. Saying it was a cry for help from the beginning. In this world, we are precieved as weak minded. Asking for help makes it real, so you’re instantly labeled. Selfish. It still leaves me winded writing this out. I am pent up with so much frustration and anger on this matter. No one had done this to Robin Williams. So what makes Chester different? Its no ones fault. And its never the persons fault. Suicide is not a joke and its a serious matter. And I wish with all the wishing magic in the world everyone knew that level of importance. And I encourage those struggling to seek help. Asking for it makes you a stronger person. And you can do it, just leave the “what’s the point” behind. It never did anyone, any good. 

If you are a loved one please for the love of god do some honest research. Do not do what I was put through. Words from a loved one means most to some, and it can be devastating. 

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I’m interested to hear your opinion on this topic. Do you agree? Disagree? Why?