Here I am once again just not doing the things I said I would. Apologies mean nothing now if you ask me.
Honestly, I’m in a spot. I’m in this spot and I know how to get out of it but it’s going to take some time and I feel as though I don’t have that time. How do I get time? I mean, I don’t want like hyper-speed. I just want to have everything I need right here right now so I can move on from this spot, ya know?
My relationship had never been better and I’m honestly so happy that we’re finally coming together as one. The situation we’re in had so much anxiety that it affects all other parts of my life AND day. I don’t want to go home, I want to cry all day long from the stress and anxiety, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to be left alone. And this all happened a little more than a month ago but I’ve realized that certain things I just can’t control. I’ve also realized that regardless of what is happening to me, there are many other things I can control, so I should move on and focus on those instead. It’s been a huge motivator for me. I’ve always been an independent person but it’s come to the point that I’m allowed- no, I deserve to be selfish. I will never let family influence me, control me, dictate or let their opinions hurt me ever again. And I mean it this time because I know how to handle these situations. This is honestly the best breakthrough I’ve had. Maybe this is more of an epiphany? Level of awareness? I don’t know but I feel more in control now than I ever have.
School is still going great! I just love it so much. I’ve been better on trying to fit in my Japanese during the week because it’s still a language I want to learn, and you darn right I worked very hard just to learn what I know now. I hope to one-day tour Japan and have some sort of school affair with them! (Living/working there is a challenge)
With that said I’m thinking maybe I should find some other part-time job? Because I’ve lost close to 20 hours a week and I can’t afford that. It’s in the air and we shall see, but it’s a thought I had while taking a shower. My “move out list” is gathering dust because I haven’t bought one item. I’m going to move out and having nothing to my name! (Laughing emoji)
Overall? Overall I’m ok. I’ve been more grateful for another day of living vs the things that keep me alive lately. I’ve been selfless also, which is a huge step for me because I was always selfish before. I felt like every day was the end of the world and I had to keep everything for myself. Not anymore. 🙂
My most common habits are etched into my bones. I wash my face, floss, and brush my teeth every day now that it’s literally impossible for me to do anything else until those are done. My teeth are so healthy! And washing my face is just relaxing, helps to calm me down or wake me up! Now I have to try and find other things as their replacements because I don’t even write about those anymore.
This months bullet journal had more around school and less about my personal life. Which is ok, I guess. I never noticed until I started to write this out, I do have other ways to write about my days but I never do.
Well, here is to the new week. Sunday is my favorite day!